"During several years of infertility treatment, I became friends with a patient I met in the waiting room. At first we saw each other sporadically, then the acquaintance turned into a friendship. I had the feeling that Agatha understood perfectly what I was going through, because she and her husband had also been trying for a baby for several years. After four years, and three failed transfers, we finally managed to get pregnant. A year and a half ago, our daughter Rose was born.
A month ago I found out that I was pregnant again. This time we managed to get pregnant without treatment. I am very happy, but I don't know how to tell Agatha about it. Her attitude towards me had already changed after our first pregnancy. They are still trying to have a baby. On the one hand, I would like to share the news with my friend, but on the other hand I am afraid I will offend her."

"Agnes, you and Agatha developed a friendship in very specific circumstances. You write that your friend was able to understand you because she was in a similar situation to you. Unlike your other friends, it was probably easier for your friend Agata to understand your emotions about your struggle with infertility, because she and her partner were in a similar situation.You write about the struggle of several years for both of you to become a mother. Such experiences change us, they can make us stronger, but they can also lead to feelings of discouragement, injustice or ultimately depression. It seems from your letter that your relationship changed after your first pregnancy. It must have been difficult for your friend to watch your happiness as she and her partner continued to try for a baby. She may also have felt that now that you have become a mum, it will be more difficult for you to find time to meet together, talk or find topics that interest you both. For your friend this is a kind of loss, and as you may well remember, there are many losses during infertility treatment.I think it is worth informing your friend about the second pregnancy in person. Your letter shows that you have a close relationship. Even if your pregnancy arouses mixed feelings in her, it will definitely be better if she finds out about the pregnancy from you and not, for example, from mutual friends or by chance.Please remember that although it will certainly be difficult for your friend, she will also probably be happy to hear the news. She is still struggling with infertility and together with her partner is trying to get pregnant. It may be more difficult for her to spend time with your family. I think it is worth having an honest conversation and reassuring your friend that she can still count on your support. It is also a good idea to ask what your Agatha might need at the moment and to respond to those needs if possible. Thanks to a sincere conversation, your relationship has a chance to stand the test, and even become closer and more satisfying for both of you. "Dorota Gawlikowska, psychologist, InviMed Warsaw

How do we cope when infertility affects our loved ones? How do we behave towards a couple who are struggling with infertility? It may be someone from our close family or circle of friends. How do we show that we are extending a helping hand to them so that they don't feel offended?

Get information - Find out as much as you can about the problem the couple is facing. Is it about infertility or infertility? What are the most popular options for dealing with their problem? This is not to make you an expert in the field, but it will probably be easier for you if you know the basic concepts and the current state of knowledge. Remember that couples struggling with infertility are not just fighting physical problems. Emotions now play a huge role in their lives. So don't avoid a difficult topic and don't try to downplay it. Also respect the boundaries they have set. The process they are going through is extremely intimate and the couple may not want to talk about it in the wider circle of family or close friends.
Be open and empathetic - Couples undergoing infertility treatment procedures face negative emotions such as feelings of injustice, pain, stress or disappointment. Everyone reacts differently in such a situation. Remember that instead of - in good faith - imposing solutions, it is enough to ask how you can help in a specific situation. This way, your family or friends will know that they have your support and that you are open to their needs.

Support - None of us knows what a couple trying to get pregnant goes through, especially if the efforts have been going on for several years. Even if you have struggled with this problem yourself, you cannot be sure what your loved ones are feeling. This is why it is so important to actively listen and be open to the needs of our loved ones. For one couple, it may be a great relief to prepare a few meals so that they don't have to worry about cooking after the transfer, while for another it may be a trip together where they can relax.