Infertility doesn't choose.

Infertility does not choose - millions of couples around the world struggle with it, including celebrities, music and sports stars and front-page figures. Many of these people are reluctant to disclose it. Like ordinary people, they feel shame and find infertility stigmatising. Fortunately, the group of people who have managed to overcome their resistance is growing. It is thanks to them that infertility as a disease and the difficulties of its treatment are beginning to be talked about loudly and without shame, and that we - ordinary people - can feel that we are not alone in our illness.

This group includes Celine Dion, who gave birth to three children, including twins, as a result of a total of six IVF cycles; Mariah Carey, who also became a mum of IVF twins after several miscarriages; Nicole Kidman - mum of two daughters, one born through IVF and the other through surrogacy; Courtney Cox, whose daughter is an IVF baby; Brooke Shields, who had to undergo as many as seven IVF cycles to give birth to her first daughter, the second was born three years later and was the result of natural efforts; Rod Stewart, who became a dad thanks to IVF. Mothers through IVF have also become: Jane Seymour, Emma Thompson and Monica Cruz. In Poland, Małgorzata Rozenek recently made a kind of 'coming out', speaking publicly about her struggles with infertility.

Infertility does not choose

The fact that well-known people speak about infertility is a good incentive for us not to be ashamed to speak about it ourselves. Unfortunately, in Poland infertility is still talked about not as a disease, but as a shameful affliction, for which infertile persons are themselves responsible, because they delayed efforts for too long, used hormonal contraception or led an immoral lifestyle. It is worth saying clearly and directly that such beliefs are just harmful myths with no scientific support. They do a disservice to infertile people, who end up believing that they deserved their disease and really should not admit to it. Meanwhile, infertility is simply a disease, one that is not culpable and has no non-medical causes. Nobody earned it or deserved it. You can talk about it in the same way as you do about all other illnesses and you can stand up to all those who think they have knowledge of the causes of infertility! It is possible to demand respect, to expect compassion and gentleness from those around us who know of our struggles. It is possible to take care of one's needs in the same way that other patients are taken care of, who are pampered and have their dreams fulfilled when they suffer and endure the hardships of treatment.

Where to start?

The best place to start is with the question: what do I need? More often than not, it is not at all easy to answer, because we are used to meeting the needs of our loved ones first and foremost, and we put our own needs aside for later. So we do not so much what satisfies our needs, but what we must, what we should, what others expect of us. Let's turn our thinking around and see that we too are individuals who have the right to have our needs met, especially during treatment. As a first step, let us do something for ourselves every day. It is important that it is something that makes us feel better, more confident, that makes us feel pleasure and satisfaction with our lives. It can be a small thing, but remember that it has to give us the feeling that we are someone of value who deserves to be cared for.

Next, it is worth considering who can help me? Infertility treatment is a challenge that is not good to face alone. Even if not everyone will understand us and not everyone will want to help, it is not good to cut yourself off from people. It is important to seek out those who will show empathy and understanding. It is also worth getting professional help - it is through professional help that we can learn how to deal with pregnancies and births among friends, how to talk to them about our situation and how to respond to difficult questions.

And finally... start looking people in the eye without shame, fear or guilt. Let us think of ourselves as valuable and as important as all the people we know and pass on the street. A person's worth is not determined by their health or the number of children they have. Therefore, we have the right to expect respect and to set boundaries for those who violate them by trying to interfere with our intimacy and impose their views on treatment issues.

Don't be afraid to live!

Infertility can be lived with just like any other illness. Let's not put life on hold.

If you would like to benefit from the support of a psychologist, you are more than welcome to attend our workshops, classes and one-to-one meetings. You can find up-to-date information here: https://www.invimed.pl/psycholog