Pregnancy not pregnancy.

Stories of the struggle for a family can often be painful and difficult. How Karolina and Marek endured the hardships of the struggle for parenthood gives us all strength.

Our efforts to have a baby lasted over 5 years, 3.5 of which were in an infertility clinic. The initial diagnosis we heard was anti-sperm antibodies in the mucus. For this reason we were offered an insemination procedure.

I remember the day I received the b-hcg test result. Those sweaty palms and a heart that seemed to stop for a whole second when I looked at the result. I will always remember this feeling, which will accompany me many more times, even though I did not know it at the time.

The result clearly meant failure. In a fortnight' time there was light spotting, no period. I thought I would repeat the test. Since then, my life has changed forever. The result was over 100 and I was amazed. I looked at the result sheet and felt my whole body tremble with stress. I knew it meant nothing good, because I was spotting.

After repeating the "beta" several times, which was rising badly, and the already increasing bleeding and absence of a follicle in the uterus, I was referred to hospital. "Ectopic pregnancy", I was told at the hospital. The whole sequence of events that followed these words was like an avalanche. Laparoscopy, attempts at uprightness and a slow return to myself. To life. At the time, I tried to be strong. We explained to each other that sometimes this happens.

My husband and I made the decision to try IVF. From all the information we had gathered, it seemed like a safe option in our case, because the embryo is administered directly into the uterus, so we bypass the "unfortunate" fallopian tube. This is what we did.

I soon started stimulation. The stress of the first injection, the stress about the number of follicles and the anticipation of embryos. This only someone who has been in a similar situation will understand. I was given two embryos. Again, I was very, if not more, scared to receive the beta hCG result. It turned out to be positive. Again, checking the growth every 48 hours. Each time the stress , which accompanied me more and more, because the growth suddenly slowed down and I started spotting again! An ultrasound that I still remember to this day and would prefer to have "erased" from my mind. An ultrasound that shows a follicle with a beating heart, but not in the uterus. In the fallopian tube. In the same one as before. The sound of the heart of the child I fought for, who cannot stay with me. To this day I don't know how I got home, and I had about 100 km to drive. The same day hospital. Again a laparoscopy. Except that after this one it was extremely difficult for me. To top it all off, it all happened before Christmas, which made me feel even worse. I tried my best to be strong, because I didn't want to be a burden on my loved ones.

I focused on the task at hand, on having a baby. Then I started running. That also helped me a lot. I was able to run out all the frustration. To clear my head of intrusive thoughts, to tire myself out physically so that I didn't have the strength for mental fatigue.

After six months a criotransfer, which was a failure. Later on, somewhere along this road of ours, I still had an insemination procedure, from which I developed an empty fetal egg. Again the hospital. Again the procedure. Again in vitro. This time a biochemical pregnancy. A mass of tests that came out correctly and even more questions of "why?" and "when will it end?".

The last IVF was not easy. I was overstimulated. I had a very hard time breathing, slept sitting up and could barely move. The transfer was impossible. After two months we went back for two embryos. On leaving the clinic I said to the staff - " Well, we'll see you in September". Thinking about the next attempt. I was ready for another failure. But I knew that no matter how hard it would be, I would not give up. I would fight for the baby. I knew I wanted to be a mum. I knew we would take up the fight again.

Fortunately for us, I didn't have to. We didn't have to. They are with us! After all, we are parents.

Although at 11 weeks pregnant I ended up in hospital with a suspected placental detachment and then throughout my pregnancy I was scared for tomorrow.

Throughout the pregnancy I tried to hide from everyone. I don't think I would have been able to bear the questions about what happened if I had lost it. I preferred no one to know. I made it to 37 weeks, which I'm mega proud of. Because a twin pregnancy is much more difficult.

Today I am a fulfilled mum who is slowly starting to run again. I have set a goal for myself - I will run a marathon. I am still a long way off, but I know I can do it if I want to. After all, I have already run my biggest marathon.